Get up and keep going!

I got home at midnight on Thursday after attending my weekly spiritual meeting, and I felt very tired and worn out. I've had this cough and fever for the past week or so and I can't seem to shake if off. I needed to sleep for a couple hours and wake up at 3 am to get ready for the flea market and sell some antique furniture that I acquired last week. When the alarm clock went off, I didn't want to get out of bed. My brain was telling me....."are you crazy JC? stay here in bed. forget about the flea market. you can go some other time. it is too early. you are not feeling well. you are sick. take care of yourself. take it easy. it will be ok. don't worry." I listened to my brain for a few minutes (not much to listen to since there is not much of content up there anyway) and decided instead to listen to my heart. I HAVE TO DO IT NO MATTER WHAT! I don't care how bad I feel. I don't care if I have 102 fever. I don't care if I puke all the way up there. I don't care if I don't sell crap all day. I HAVE TO DO IT AT ALL COST! OTHERS ARE COUNTING ON ME. OTHERS WHO ARE SOUND SLEEP RIGHT NOW HAVE PLACED THEIR TRUST IN ME! I WILL NOT FAIL!

Thank you for your input Mr. Brain. Put your clothes on and get ready because you are doing some selling today at the flea market my friend.

Get up and keep going. Ten percent of what happens is out of your control. Ninety percent is how you react to it.

Attitude

A few months ago, I remember waking up every morning with a fear that every wall around me was crumbling down. I would assume a fetal position in my bed, cry, and beg for a miracle to take place. I would beg for something good to happen that could carry me away from what I perceived to be the end of the road. Suicide thoughts quickly entered my mind but were dispelled by an unknown force (i.e., my will to live). At the end of each day, I could only find refuge in my sleep. It was as if dreaming was the getaway from reality when in fact with each dream my soul would go out and search for answers to my challenges. My soul would depart my body for those few precious hours and search in my mental archives the solution(s) to what I was facing. New ideas would appear in the morning and with each new idea and level of energy, faith, and purpose would start to develop.

I began attending a large Christian church on a regular basis. Some would say that when everything fails, God is the only answer. Although I grew up Catholic, I've always found the Catholic religion to be hypocritical with regards to many factors; some of which I will detail in future blogs. In this new Christian church setting, I discovered new ideas about my life and the relationship with God without the constraints of the Catholic religion. However, I also confronted people who were fanatics and left no room for others with different ideas. It was as if their religion was the only answer and other had to comply with their ideology. What ever happened to charity and understanding? I also witnessed that many times during the sermon the message would take a backseat to tithing. The church had grown so fast that they needed a lot of money just to stay afloat and every item became a prize to be sold to the highest bidder.

This journey took me to another Christian church, but my visits ended when I met people who in my view thought they were holier than Jesus Christ because they had "seen the light or taken Jesus Christ as their lord and savior," and yet they judged others with total distrust. This is the reason I wrote one of the poems in this blog called Dichotomy to express how they claimed to do one thing but the reality was the total opposite.

God knows the path we must choose and sometimes He lead us into the wilderness so we learn how to find our way out of there.

With each passing morning, the fear began to dissipate. I no longer viewed a new day as a threat but as an opportunity to grow. I encountered each challenge as a stepping stone, a lesson to put in my backpack. I learned to recognize when I was being tested by forces that have being with me since the beginning and to trust them when I couldn't go any further. I also witnessed how people came in and out of my life. Some arrived to give me a word of encouragement, a helping hand, while others disappeared when things became too personal for them, when my actions and relationship threatened their well-being.

I stand today poised for a new beginning. My attitude is stronger than ever before because I know in my heart that I am not alone in this journey.

Change your attitude about how you view the things that are happening to you today and your tomorrow will be brighter.

You are unique. Find your purpose. Grow from within. Learn to let go.

El placer

Buscando el camino del placer encuentras la algaribia que deseas pero reiteras que todo lo que te apetece no permitira que creezcas. Encontrar en la carne la respuesta a la vida es como tomar agua para matar la sed, temporal y no permanente.

Encuentras en el oasis de un desierto la paciencia que a pesar de lo que lo rodea sobrevive por su fe. Lo mismo debes de hacer en tu vida, no importa la falta, los golpes, encuentras en ellos la fuerza para sobrepasar los cambios, los golpes, la dureza que esta encarnacion trae consigo.

Start writing just because......

May I give you a piece of advise?

Grab a notebook and every morning wake up 30 minutes earlier and write at least three pages of whatever comes to mind. Even if it is three pages of "I have no idea what I am writing about." Just write! After a month, you can go back and read everything that you wrote and you will be amazed at the development that will take place not only in your writing style, the content, but also the way that new ideas will come forward.

Give it a try! Who knows if the next best seller is on the other side of this monitor.

The lesson of this walk.

This walk can teach us the lessons needed to learn. One, emotional and physical pain are necessary because they helps us define ourselves clearly and respond to those needs and to those who surround us. Two, with every step we are creating our lives with our actions and free will. You will have to create the world you hope to have because it is not given to you for free. Life is a series of beginnings, not endings.

Each crisis you face is an opportunity for you to grow. Don't shy away from it. Welcome the crisis with open arms. Rest if you must but afterwards search for the solution. You already have it and don't be afraid. Seek the counsel of your guarding angel, of your protector, the one who has been with you from the beginning. Speak to him as you would an old friend. He will show up the moment you seek his advise.

..... a candid conversation with my oldest two daughters.

........on Xmas eve, I took my oldest two daughters out for sushi. It was an unusual Xmas in that no gifts were planned to be given the following morning. I wanted them to have a different feeling about Xmas that year considering the financial challenges that her mother and I are facing right now. We woke up the next morning and they prepared a bunch of bologna sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies. Actually, they only prepared ten of them and put them in brown paper bags. I wanted to take them to feed ten homeless people with our gourmet sandwiches. At around 10 am, we ventured into the downtown area of the city where we live. It is a rough and dangerous downtown area with vagrants, homeless, and crack heads throughout. Each time I spotted one homeless loitering about, I'd stop the car and one of them would come out and hand them a lunch bag. It was so funny watching them timidly giving the bag and running back to the car. They had never experienced such a thing and it was the best Xmas we've had! I don't claim this to make myself more "pure than the wind driven snow;" as one of my mentors would say, but to reinforce the idea that Xmas is about giving and we have lost sight of that fact.

Anyway, the story continues in that I had a very nice conversation with them the previous night at the sushi restaurant. I had learned from their mother that my oldest daughter had a boyfriend. A very nice young man, and she appeared to be "madly" in love with him. Being her first love, of course she was "madly" in love with him. I wanted to have a heart to heart conversation with her about what to expect from boys and relationships.

The reason I am sharing this personal story is because it goes to the crux of what I was discussing in my last blog entry. The relationship between the sexes must be understood from the context of our animal instincts. Boys are predators. They search for a prey and subconsciously want her to submit to his desires. It is a game of hunt and conquer. It doesn't make him a bad person because he is simply born with this trait so our human race can survive. In the game of love, boys first want sex and then his heart follows. Girls are the opposite in that the heart must come first before she opens the door to intimacy. They are always exceptions of course but I believe this goes to the basic nature of our relationships.

I explained to them that God had given them a gift more precious than all the diamonds in the entire world - the gift of creating a life inside of them. From the time they became a woman, each month a beautiful pearl came down to a nest that they prepared without knowing if this time was the one. If nothing happened, the nest would disappear to be followed each month by the same event until they reached a certain age and the "nest and pearl production business" would seize to exist. Because of the limited amount of pearls given in their life time, they were forced to become very selective as to whom to give this precious gift. I wanted to impart in them the idea that could fall in love a thousand times but the precious gift had to be given to someone who they deemed worthy of such a treasure. Boys on the other hand created millions of little soldiers always ready for battle and they could care less on what mission they would send their armies. If millions perished in that worthy endeavor, another million reservists were standing by ready to be called to active duty almost immediately.

"Dad," asked my daughter, "so all boys are pigs?"

"Not necessarily," I replied. "Some of them are just like some girls are similar in nature. Don't judge a book by its cover. Understand that we were designed this way in order to procreate." Imagine if it was the opposite. Girls would sleep around with anyone and boys would be very selective. I would probably not be here and you wouldn't either.

So what's the secret? There is no secret. Each person is different just like each relationship (intimate or not) is different from the previous one. You just have to follow your gut instinct, a sixth sense of sorts. As a man matures, he becomes more settle in his ways and what he wants. There are others who take their mature years to an extreme and try to live again their lost youth. As I've said, each person is a very small island in the vast ocean. Don't blame yourself for the failure(s) and view each relationship as a learning experience. Moreover, not everyone you meet is going to disappoint you. Some will and some won't! You can not live your life anticipating to get "screw" every time your turn a corner because it then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy..........you will get it no matter what!

One last thing for now........stop looking for your soul mate. He is out there and you will find him when you stop searching.

A different approach........for women

I promised you a few days ago that I would give you some inside into the mindset of men when it comes to dating and relationships. I don't claim to be an expert in relationships and based on my life experience in that department some would claim that I've been a failure although I tend to disagree with that assessment. A failure to someone can be a personal triumph to the one experiencing it as it is in my case. I've had wonderful experiences and each one has given me a new insight into my own personal balance sheet - negative and positive traits.

There seems to be a need for men and women to constantly be in search for the "perfect mate," someone to "share my life, the joy of living," "soul mate," etc. With that in mind, we get on the dating train and go from station to station searching for those clues that hopefully can lead us to the promise land. One date leads to another and perhaps an intimate moment to be disappointed when he (in the case of men) doesn't return our calls or seems not interested anymore. Or, we join dating clubs and evaluate a potential relationship based on a profile description or a picture taken who knows how long. After each disappointing experience, we promise ourselves not to get in the train again, blame ourselves for being fools, but the fear that there are no other trains coming into the station for a long time makes us buy another ticket no matter the cost.

I believe that we make a crucial mistake in thinking that we MUST have someone in our lives in order to be fulfilled. A belief that in order for us to enjoy a "walk on the beach, candlelight dinner, or staying home and watching a movie" to name a few online dating descriptions, it must be done with our prince charming. In doing so, we experience life from a very narrow point of view in that someone else can be the only one who can fulfill us with those experiences. That somehow our ability to enjoy those moments and many others BY OURSELVES or in the company of someone who is not destined or forced to be our future partner is connected to another human being to whom we have given the keys to the kingdom - control over our feelings and happiness.

What's wrong with being alone? Why put a square peg in a round hole for the sake of fulfilling a mandate that there MUST be a mate for our lives to be complete? I ask you this question.....isn't there more to this life than romantic moments, engaging conversations, and a need for adult companionship no matter the result? Why not look within first and enjoy, learn, and share the potentiality that we already possess before visiting someone else's kingdom? Ours is perfect only if we believe it..........to be continued!