........on Xmas eve, I took my oldest two daughters out for sushi. It was an unusual Xmas in that no gifts were planned to be given the following morning. I wanted them to have a different feeling about Xmas that year considering the financial challenges that her mother and I are facing right now. We woke up the next morning and they prepared a bunch of bologna sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies. Actually, they only prepared ten of them and put them in brown paper bags. I wanted to take them to feed ten homeless people with our gourmet sandwiches. At around 10 am, we ventured into the downtown area of the city where we live. It is a rough and dangerous downtown area with vagrants, homeless, and crack heads throughout. Each time I spotted one homeless loitering about, I'd stop the car and one of them would come out and hand them a lunch bag. It was so funny watching them timidly giving the bag and running back to the car. They had never experienced such a thing and it was the best Xmas we've had! I don't claim this to make myself more "pure than the wind driven snow;" as one of my mentors would say, but to reinforce the idea that Xmas is about giving and we have lost sight of that fact.
Anyway, the story continues in that I had a very nice conversation with them the previous night at the sushi restaurant. I had learned from their mother that my oldest daughter had a boyfriend. A very nice young man, and she appeared to be "madly" in love with him. Being her first love, of course she was "madly" in love with him. I wanted to have a heart to heart conversation with her about what to expect from boys and relationships.
The reason I am sharing this personal story is because it goes to the crux of what I was discussing in my last blog entry. The relationship between the sexes must be understood from the context of our animal instincts. Boys are predators. They search for a prey and subconsciously want her to submit to his desires. It is a game of hunt and conquer. It doesn't make him a bad person because he is simply born with this trait so our human race can survive. In the game of love, boys first want sex and then his heart follows. Girls are the opposite in that the heart must come first before she opens the door to intimacy. They are always exceptions of course but I believe this goes to the basic nature of our relationships.
I explained to them that God had given them a gift more precious than all the diamonds in the entire world - the gift of creating a life inside of them. From the time they became a woman, each month a beautiful pearl came down to a nest that they prepared without knowing if this time was the one. If nothing happened, the nest would disappear to be followed each month by the same event until they reached a certain age and the "nest and pearl production business" would seize to exist. Because of the limited amount of pearls given in their life time, they were forced to become very selective as to whom to give this precious gift. I wanted to impart in them the idea that could fall in love a thousand times but the precious gift had to be given to someone who they deemed worthy of such a treasure. Boys on the other hand created millions of little soldiers always ready for battle and they could care less on what mission they would send their armies. If millions perished in that worthy endeavor, another million reservists were standing by ready to be called to active duty almost immediately.
"Dad," asked my daughter, "so all boys are pigs?"
"Not necessarily," I replied. "Some of them are just like some girls are similar in nature. Don't judge a book by its cover. Understand that we were designed this way in order to procreate." Imagine if it was the opposite. Girls would sleep around with anyone and boys would be very selective. I would probably not be here and you wouldn't either.
So what's the secret? There is no secret. Each person is different just like each relationship (intimate or not) is different from the previous one. You just have to follow your gut instinct, a sixth sense of sorts. As a man matures, he becomes more settle in his ways and what he wants. There are others who take their mature years to an extreme and try to live again their lost youth. As I've said, each person is a very small island in the vast ocean. Don't blame yourself for the failure(s) and view each relationship as a learning experience. Moreover, not everyone you meet is going to disappoint you. Some will and some won't! You can not live your life anticipating to get "screw" every time your turn a corner because it then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy..........you will get it no matter what!
One last thing for now........stop looking for your soul mate. He is out there and you will find him when you stop searching.
No comments:
Post a Comment